the opportunity

every passing moment,
like fleeting cloud,
keeps passing by,
like smoke, air, and nothingness.
like the unreal phantasma 
always changing its name and form.
like a fizz it originates, rises and vanishes.
in this ever changing, 
dream of nothingness to nothingness,
like the faces of ghosts,
sometimes, smile, love, compassion arises,
in those dark relaxed eyes, and smiling lips,
and sometimes, some ghostly face,
like a smoky ever changing sight,
out of the window of the speeding train,
shows up in the jiffy of change,
a monster earnestly ready to slurp the blood out of the heart, and squeeze the soul,
and at times, as an indifferent stone statue,
with a tight lip, head turned away, brow dead still. 

with all ever changing dances of life unreal,
decorating the existence,
with darkness and brightness taking their own turns,
something never ceases and stays ever youthful. 
the opportunity to expose our beautiful self,
a smile, a helpful gesture, a service,
that costs very little, and takes little time,
a conviction to engender the better side of the self, exude the good in us. 

that space of the choice,
the choice to take a breathe,
and respond out the best, the most beautiful, the absolute divine. 
that stubborn choice, 
stands tall, unchanged and eternal,
shedding its immortal gaze,
in peace, silence, and restfulness,
on the mad unreal everchanging chaos of life.

there is the opportunity,
the opportunity to hold on
to the never changing truth,
on the backdrop of an ever changing lie.

Coping up with a ruthless and abrupt abandonment

Personalities change. People’s opinions, preferences, needs and values change. Humans are changing instantaneous artifacts of the fallouts of various changes happening both within and outside. Both physically, emotionally, intellectually, people continue to change every moment. Intellectually, philosophically, and biologically it is very easy to comprehend this fact. But, one has to ask a true lover who has been dumped by his beloved – just like that – ruthless cold hearted breakup – without any closure. The issue becomes even more difficult if the dumped lover is sensitive and his love was true and deep. The pain is just too much for him to cope up with. He tries various means to understand the root of the pain, and to resolve it. He writes poems, reads self help books, thinks through the drama, etc. But nothing happens. Things come to the square one. He is left with an empty at heart and tears in eye.
The fact that his beloved no more loves him today, is something he is not able to come to terms with. But contemplating a bit deeper into the relationship what slowly starts becoming clear is that whom he loved was actually not the beloved in her entirety. It was just an aspect of hers. There are still things about her, that he hates, and does not at all identify with. He used to just tolerate them, just out of the fear of losing her. There was just a subset of her entire being, that he loved and longed for. When she used to be in other state of mind, he would be totally frustrated and pained, even being in the relationship. Whenever he experienced love and bliss in the relationship, it was invariably an instance where he would get a special glimpse of that core unique expression of personal love that he longed for. This love was coming from his inner self. She was just a reflection of that what is already in him deeply ingrained from within. When the resonance was there, things used to be good. When it was not, things would be so discordant. Also he remembered that the discordance was increasing before that abrupt abandonment. This same phenomenon works on her side too – the lady who dumped him. Now, it would have come to her nerves not being able to see her love in his eyes, and probably she would be getting that bliss in another relationship.

Love is primarily one’s own creation. The feeling is created within, based on one’s own psychic capacities. The other person is just a reflection of the same love, that is coming from within. The physical body and mind of the lover is just an external empty shell. The real love has nothing to do with the beloved. Attaching one’s love with her, is just an illusion. But the shell is the temple anyhow. So body n mind of the beloved deserves respect n love because they were once inhabited by that sacred reflection of one’s love. She was a temple. His love was the God. Temples are always special and sacred. But then, temples get abandoned, plundered, broken eventually. But does the God die? The idea of God is a self generating creative inspiration. That is not dependent on anything outside. It is created solely by the authentic creative efforts of the worshipper. Same is the case with love. It is not that the lover is abandoned. It is only that the temple is abandoned.

A lover has to grow. His love has to grow. An infant starts experimenting with his life by discovering it in his mother’s breast. That is his temple of love. He grows up. Now, his temple becomes the breast of his beloved. But the beloved would eventually go away too, or die. A lifelong lover needs to cultivate his love within, so that it doesn’t need an external temple to be invoked. He should be able to achieve communion with his love at any time at any space.

Having said that, it is not that one should hence attach no importance to real relationship with real people. One needs shells, yes the empty shells. To play chess one need the wooden blocks. To play football one needs the ball. Without these means and tools one cannot play the game. And at the same time there are many more things in the game of chess beyond the blocks n board. In fact the essentials are all invisible – strategy, ideas and agility to replan the game plan. What is visible is just one means. The essentials can be expressed in other ways too! The game of chess is not a necessary condition for the human capacities of strategic thinking to thrive. One needs to interact n love humans. But with the awareness that people are not essential. The real love is within.

This realization intellectually might strike a chord. But still it is very difficult to forget and forgive. This immense attachment is extremely difficult to dissipate. This veil of attachment and affection always creates a romantic and idealistic image of the beloved. This idealism needs to be broken by knowing the real degree of meanness and inhumanity of the person who wronged. The solution always comes from a level higher than the level that created the problem. In this case, all the love and feelings were created from the conscious self of mind and heart. The solution needs to come from a level higher than intellect. To be able to dissipate this attachment, the lover has to come out of his make believe idealism of his beloved. He needs to come out of his delusion. He needs to see starkly that the actions of the other was inhumane and not honorable. He needs to build up his own self esteem. Once self esteem is revived, automatically the lover would start regaining his own personal honor, and would not want to cling with the beloved, or at least be in the right path to distancing her from him. This clairvoyance is a capability that needs to be cultivated consciously with efforts by the lover. One way to do so is by practicing meditation and Yoga. Meditation helps to clear the countless emotional impressions from conscious self, which helps to increase the gaps between the mental chatter and biases, and see the truth more clearly.

This enhanced state of awareness, enables the lover to see things which he would have been missing altogether in his entire journey in the relationship. Things would be clearer, and he would be able to know more clearly the nature of the truth. Yes, pain remains. But, he would be at peace with the pain. He would be closer to the impersonal nature of the truth. He would cease to be deluded in his mental biases and take wrong course of action in his life.